Chapter 10: You Have Suffered Enough, and Warred with Yourself; It’s Time that You Won

Daniel Sheedy                                                                         July 11, 2013, 7:28pm
I've never really felt like you like me liked me, so I don't want you to feel like it's really your fault.  As I've shared, God said the He loved me first.  Way first.  Like before I was alive first : p.  But I'm supposed to pursue you. 

Early September, as I read over the myriad messages Danny had sent me that past summer, my eyes snagged on the phrase: I’m supposed to pursue you.

It transported me back to the beginning of that year. I think it was January. I remember where I was standing—in front of my bookcase, by the closet. I was probably hanging clothes up. Worship music was playing from the International House of Prayer’s website on my laptop. Maybe I was talking to God. Or perhaps He was the one who started the conversation. Either way, my ears were open when He said to me:

You’re not going to miss it. Your husband is coming for you. You won’t have to chase after him. You won’t have to initiate. So don’t worry; trust Me.

At the time, I had mentioned it to a few friends, but I hadn’t thought about it much beyond that. The point, after all, was to not think about it.

I had surrendered it to God. He was in control. And I was finally okay with that.

~

In the past, I had chased after guys. I had been the initiator. The pursuer. 

I had never breathed a word to them of my intentions, of course. But I tried to make my interest clear the best way my cautious, introverted nature knew how.

It was exhausting. And the lack of response on the part of the men in my life did little to boost my already withering self-esteem.

So when God told me I didn’t have to do it anymore, I drank in that promise with a deep, deep relief.

~

It didn’t occur to me at first. The way Danny came for me.

He chased me. He initiated. He pursued.

If there was a person on Earth who deserved to miss their chance on a God-ordained relationship, it was me. I threw away chance after chance, without hesitancy. But Danny was relentless.

I’m supposed to pursue you.

~

And now, things were changing. My heart was changing.

Suddenly, it fit. It made sense. It was a prophecy fulfilled.

~

As I stared at that computer screen, the churning in my stomach was no longer fear; it was something like excitement—and a little like awe.