Danny and I once had a conversation about The Great Gatsby. It’s one of his
favorite books.
I was forced to read it in both high school and college, and
hated it both times.
~
“I just can’t stand any of the characters,” I explained.
“What about Gatsby?” Danny countered.
I paused to consider. “I mean, he was a nice guy. But he
spent years crafting Daisy into this perfect person in his mind, until he was blind
to her faults. You have to be able to acknowledge people’s flaws—not pretend
like they don’t exist. When you put someone on a pedestal like that, you turn
them into an idol.”
He nodded in assent, looking out across the water. “But I
like that he never gave up hope.”
~
Now, weeks later, as I listened to Danny lay his exposed
heart into my unwilling hands, it occurred to me—
It’s no wonder he
likes Gatsby; they’re the same person.
~
(And if Danny was Gatsby, that made me Daisy. The source of
his hope—and the cause of his destruction.)
~
Danny had said from the very beginning that I didn’t have to
respond immediately to what he was telling me. I was thankful, because I didn’t
have the slightest notion of what to say.
I’m not sure what I had expected, exactly. For him to say he
still had feelings for me, sure. Then I, like a reasonable adult, could explain
why it would never work, and he, like a reasonable adult, would agree to move
on.
But I hadn’t expected this. His overwhelming tidal wave of
conviction that we were meant to be together. His unshakeable belief that his
pursuit of me was God-ordained. His self-assurance that this was the right time to approach me.
When clearly, he couldn’t be more wrong.
~
I did try to explain. I told him about my season of
singleness, and about how we needed to be completely focused on God, not on
relationships. I even had him read a text from our mutual friend David that I
had saved earlier that year as a reminder to myself, hoping it would resolve
the issue.
We
should make sure that we as a group keep boundaries in our friendships. We
don’t want any of the girls to start to get distracted with romantic feelings
and we don’t want the guys to either. We have to all stay focused on the common
goal which is edifying our brothers and sisters. Now, if God specifically were
to tell [Person A] that [Person B] was the one for him to marry, that would be
different, but otherwise we can’t let ourselves get caught up in feelings and
get distracted.
(I would never have allowed him to read it, had I known how
my plan would backfire.)
~
Danny had stilled by this point, his concentration on my
phone in his hand. When he finished reading, he slipped it back to me.
He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then—“This is scary.”
There was a longer pause this time. He may have been looking
at me (I had long-since stopped looking at him).
“I do believe God
has said you’re the one I’m going to marry.”
~
As a teenager, my Sunday School teacher once told us a story
about two college friends of hers, a girl and a guy who had been close for
years, but purely platonically.
One day, God told the guy that the girl was
supposed to be his wife. The guy relayed the message to the girl. The girl
resisted at first, but after praying, realized the guy was right. So they were
happily married.
After hearing that story, I remember thinking it would be
nice if my own love story played out like that. Dating had seemed silly to me
for some time. After all, I wouldn’t want to date someone unless I knew it was
God’s will; and why would it be God’s will for me to date someone but not to
marry him?
Obviously, you’d have to make sure the guy was legit and not
just saying things to take advantage of you. But all in all, it seemed much
easier than trying out different guys in an attempt to find a compatible one.
~
My opinions on this, however, changed immediately when it
actually happened to me.
I knew Danny well enough to know he wasn’t saying any of
this to manipulate me. I believed he was being entirely genuine.
I also believed he was very genuinely wrong.
Because there wasn’t a chance in the universe that I would
ever to marry this man.
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