Chapter 9: I Held Him and Would Not Let Him Go

I couldn’t stop staring at him.

We had spent the night at David’s house last night—Danny on the couch, and I, on the loveseat that was situated perpendicular to it. Now, Danny sat, listening as David’s mom, Ms. Angelica, explained to him the spiritual significance of numbers.

But I was only half-hearing their conversation, while my dream from the previous night played over in my mind’s eye.

~

Danny and I stood in an empty airplane hangar, the floor concrete, the walls gray. We were on some kind of military base, and though I could not see him, I knew David was asleep outside, away from the protection of the hangar. We had to find him, convince him to join us inside.

[Gap.]

David was with us, and with relief, I said, “Good. Now we’re all safe.”

No sooner had the words left my mouth than an airplane crashed through the side of the hangar.

When the debris had cleared, I looked to my left. David was still there. Then, I looked to my right.

Danny was gone.

David and I searched desperately, calling his name, but there was no response.

Despair sank its claws deep in my heart. It was beyond hope. It was beyond—

[Gap.]

Danny. Crouched beneath the plane, eyes wide like a startled animal. Somehow, he had managed to find some niche that saved him from being crushed by the plane.

[Gap.]

I was on my knees as Danny carefully made his way out from under the plane. When he reached me, I threw my arms around him and held on tight. “You scared me so badly.”

At first, his response was automatic—he returned the hug, but the embrace was robotic. But when I continued to cling to him, he seemed to come to his senses. His grip tightened around me.

I pulled away, eyes intent on his face. He couldn’t hold my gaze; his narrow escape from death was sending him into shock.

“Danny, look at me.”

He brought his eyes up to meet mine for a few seconds, but they quickly dropped away again. I repeated the phrase several times, my eyes never leaving his face. I considered also telling him to breathe, but instead I breathed deeply myself in the hope he’d follow my lead.

I didn’t stop until he could hold my gaze.

~

Ms. Angelica’s voice jolted me back to the waking world. “Eight is the number for new beginnings.”

(The date was 8/8.)

~

The entire morning, I kept staring. All I wanted to do was give him a hug.

~

(There are certain moments in my life which feel inevitable even as they are happening—moments in which I am moved by something beyond myself—moments in which I am deeply struck by the realization that my story has already been written—and some people call this inevitability fate, but I have come to believe it is nothing less than the hand of God.)

~

He was standing by the front door, saying his goodbyes before he left for work.

“Danny.”

The impulse that caused me to rise (Danny uses words like sprang up or bounded when he describes it) from the loveseat was beyond my control.

His eyebrows were raised in a questioning expression as I took the two steps I needed to reach him. Then I lost sight of his face as I wrapped my arms around him and held.

If he was surprised, he recovered quickly. He returned my embrace—the only hug I had ever initiated.

~

We stepped away, and said our goodbyes, like everything was normal.

But something inside me was wrecked, and I couldn’t understand it.

~

I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back, I know—that was the day I started to fall in love with Danny.